she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
