You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
