hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
