You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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