Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
