I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
