On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
