who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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