Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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