Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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