youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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