They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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