last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
