he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
