dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
