i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
