Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
