I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
