So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
