billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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