I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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