I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
