He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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