I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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