Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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