I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
