what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
