Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
