ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
