so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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