brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Randomize
