it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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