Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
