bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
