Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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