She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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