I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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