1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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