we're chasing vodka with high fives
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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