This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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