you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
