Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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