She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
