Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
