Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
