hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
