WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
3pm strippers are depressing
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
