So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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