just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
