Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
